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2:48 p.m. | May 06, 2002
looking for a rock to crawl under and pull the darkness over my head Today is not a good day, I just feel like screaming and screaming until it ends. I called my doctor last week Tuesday and I still haven't heard from her. I need more pills as the ones the pharmacist lent me have run out again, plus I need to talk to her about sleeping pills and I need my depo shot before the end of this week. Gah! I don't want to call her again. The physiotherapist wants me to do all the arm stuff alone now. Well I still need someone to set up the stuff for me. Geez, already they are putting stuff off on my family. I don't want to tell mom about it. Screaming AND crying. Yes that feels about right. Course I won't do it, people would worry. I took an ativan, so I hope the feeling will go away. Dammit, I just want to be left alone and I have all this shit to do this week. Everyday there is something. Bloody fucking hell. I want to quit and sleep until people can help me in a reasonable way. Being on the enzyme would make physiotherapy seem worthwhile. Of course now that I’ve done it I have to keep doing it so I don't loose the very little that I’ve gained. I honestly don't think that staying at parkridge was worth it. People say they notice I’m stronger, but I don't really notice and right now I could give a fuck. I’m so pissed about this business of having to do the arm exercises on my own now. Probably doesn't help that I woke up in a severely bad mood and with a headache. I did take something for the headache, but I still have all the feeling of a headache without the pain. I don't know if that makes sense. Basically I feel fucked up. Make them stop. Do more, do better, and strive. Fuck off; what I’m doing already is driving me crazy. It doesn't help that my eyebrows seem to have dandruff today and my hair has gone totally spastic. "It’s the little things that pull you under." REM Book: Destiny of Souls by Christopher Rice (yes it's Anne Rice's son)
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.