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12:20 p.m. | Wednesday, Mar. 26, 2003
cats, depression and high school Last night my cat Darwin was stalking something in the corner of my room. I thought he was going after a bug; he was very intent about the whole thing. He swiped at a bag that was in the corner as well, with his claws out, which is unusual for him. I was starting to be almost worried at the size this bug might be he was so serious about the whole thing. When he finally left I had mom lift up the bag to see what monster was under it. There was nothing but a hell of a lot of cat hair. You know it's time to vacuum when your cats start worrying other cats are brewing the in corners. My computer is having terrible mental problems again. I believe they are the same ones as usual, maybe I have just been noticing them more lately. I was letting someone see my web cam on Netmeeting and it kept freezing. When I closed the program the entire computer froze. Now the computer freezes sometimes on startup or shutdown. That is a bit more worrying. I have to reinstall the Sims for the third time in as many months. Right now I am Simless. Apparently I had some sort of corrupted file that I downloaded and used in my houses. This time I�m not putting anything foreign in there for a long time. I just hope I can salvage a couple of families. The last time I tried the thing kept crashing and going back to the desktop. People ask me a lot how I�m doing and to tell the truth I don't know. Sometimes I�m sure I�m more depressed than I was a couple years ago. Other times I think that I�m doing better than I ever was. I know that I�m learning more about myself as time goes on, but I also know that when I do feel very depressed it does seem worse. I�m not sure what to do about it except to keep doing what I have been (psychologist, meds). Things are up and down I guess. I get bored easily because I do the same things all the time (watch movies, computer, read) and I mostly look forward to time with Morrison on the weekends. It is very nice to have someone just for myself and also it's a change of pace (no home health aids, I can stay up and sleep in... Not doing the same things I always am). At the same time I don't think it's a good idea to depend on him for the change of pace and fun that I have. I think I should meet more people, but it's very hard for me to connect with anyone. The volunteer that has been coming over is nothing like me at all. I thought about not having her come over anymore, but I think I should keep at it. If nothing else it's good for me to socialize. I�m such a hermit. Maybe once I get the battery for the respirator sorted out and the volunteer and I can get out to places things will be better between the two of us. I have a high school reunion coming up. I�m not sure when exactly but this year is ten years since I graduated. I�m not sure if I want to go or not. I haven't really kept in touch with anyone from high school until now, and honestly I�m not sure why I�d want to be there. Part of me thinks I should go, but I�m not sure for what reason. I haven't accomplished anything that I can show off; I don't have a career, a marriage, children or even an interesting lifestyle. There are a couple people I wouldn't mind seeing just because I actually cared about them in high school, but I lost touch with them even before graduation. They probably haven't thought of me since the last time they saw me. Does anyone have any advice about high school graduations? I have a feeling my mom will push for me to go and I have such mixed feelings about I don't know what to think. I honestly don't need another horribly depressing experience if that's what it's going to be.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.