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3:10 p.m. | Monday, Nov. 03, 2003
rant rant and birthday goodness Today my mom felt ill, so she had to lay down and sleep. My shower was today so I had nobody to lift me and therefore I'm not wearing any pants. It scares me how dependent I am on my mother. If she were to be out of commission I'd be living in Parkridge fairly quickly. I have to do some work today of some sort for school, I should force myself to do something. I just feel like I can't. Between startling dependence (not so startling, just held up in front of my face) and the fact that I do not like the home health aid that came in today makes me all anxious and wound up. It triggers my depression and I'm all frustrated at my inability to JUST DO IT. I should not need calming time from just taking a shower for fuck's sake. I need a nap and someone else I can depend on. I need security and not to have to worry about which home health aid is coming in or how my mom is feeling. The phone is ringing but I can't get to it because I have an electric blanket in my lap. I have to stay where it is because it's plugged in. It was probably my dad because I just remembered he phoned earlier when I was asleep. Maybe I just should have audited classes this year and I wouldn't have to worry about exams and essays. I could just have gotten the feel for school again. Though I have this feeling that student loans wouldn't pay for that so it would be a futile idea anyway. Oh good the blanket is slipping out of my lap. On a positive note, I had a good birthday and a decent weekend. I got the Sims Superstar expansion pack, an electric blanket, Brian Froud's Fairy tarot deck, and The Storyteller DVD with all 9 episodes. Early birthday presents included a dragon ring (which was finally sized and returned to me on my birthday), over the knee socks and an art book. One after birthday present of money was sent to my PayPal account so I could buy something nice from my wish list on amazon.ca. Thank you to everyone who sent gifts, e-cards or signed my guestbook/left a note. Special thanks to Damodred (the other one), Mechy, dma, James, and Geri.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.