I think my buttons might be broken m. The whole diary looks messy from my point of view. My fingers have rebelled, this happens sometimes when I'm tired. I type a totally different word than what I meant to. Not a typo, but a correctly spelled absolutely different word from what I meant. I've been doing that for years though. Since I started chatting or soon after anyway. Does anyone use Diaryland chat anymore? It used to be fun.
Actual post:
"I have an appointment with a new GP, but it isn't until May because they don't "do" house calls. Of course, they don't let you talk to the doctor either, and I'm not sure who is going to renew all of my prescriptions, except they are going to run out before May. What am I supposed to do? Get hypothermia, a panic attack, and risk getting sick with COVID? Well I'll do that anyway in May, except I plan to wait in the van until they call me. I can't remember if I settled for a guy doctor. I think I did which is stupid because there is no way I can let him do a breast exam much less a PAP smear. The last time that happened in the ER I can't remember if I cried or just went somewhere else. Likely the second. I think my dad drove me and Ian might have been there I don't remember. Dad could still lift me into an exam table back then. I think they have to do it at the hospital now. Shit I should have found out if and where this doctor has hospital privileges. I think I took the guy hoping to switch to a woman when I could. Ugh, my life is such a mess. How am I going to find a psychiatrist and then a psychologist that I can only see in warm weather. I mean how is that even going to help me. I think there are online people, but I don't know if they are actually psychologists or just social workers. I've already gone as far as I can with social workers that will come to the house. They've even said that. Would a module online even be worth trying? Is a psychologist online width trying? Does anyone know what's worth trying?
I wonder if I could get my doctors that do actually do house calls to talk to this new GP or any GP to convince them to do house calls? We even told the people at the desk of the new doctor; she uses a ventilator, has a stomach tube, can't talk, in a wheelchair, etc. Arg! That might be worth a shot, though. They might listen to the head of surgery? A pain specialist? Dr. Brodie is likely completely unavailable now, even though the letter said end of March. What is the date even, not March. Maybe we can keep calling? Ugh, Too soon!! I really really wish I had gotten a lot more notice before she decided to retire. Maybe 6 months or a year? Maybe I should have started looking earlier just because of her age? I did ask several times about when she planned to retire!! Sigh. Fuck my life. Are we allowed to swear here? I actually got banned from Facebook for a day or two for swearing once. Makes me wonder which of my friends reported me, because randoms aren't supposed to be able to see it.

2:43 a.m. - Friday, Feb. 24, 2023