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2:07 p.m. | February 07, 2002
blah blah blah and shit well i haven't updated for a couple days but i've had plenty to write. i just haven't felt like it. last night i was so bored but i didn't want to do anything at all. i hate that feeling. my mother and sister drove out to be with my grandmother. she's dying of bone cancer and is appearently doing very badly. my mom came over monday and cried on my shoulder cause she doesn't want her mom to die. i don't want her to die either. over the years she's become more and more of a cool person. i can't go see her becaue it would be to difficult travelling and taking care of me. i wish i could see my grandma one last time though. *sigh* life is such a bitch, dreams are such a bitch. last night i kept dreaming that i was getting married or was married. weirdest thing. the first time i wasn't sure if i really wanted to marry this guy, but in the end i married someone else. and then it switched and switched again. i don't even know if i want to be married in real life. arg. i think i know what the dreams were really about though. blah blah. love... having someone love me and accept me and want to be with me. i suppose that's what everyone wants to some degree anyway. i'm doing really well in physio therapy and i'm making progress. good news there. i won't be seeing my cats for two weeks at least. since my mother is gone for an indeterminate amount of time (cold hearted but until the funeral is over i suppose, arg!) the kittens are being taken care of by a friend of hers for two weeks and then a friend of mine (the one who had them last time) until she gets back. no word yet on what the pet policy of this building is so yeah. i miss them so much and i wish i could have them around me. even if they slept on the bed the whole time and paid no attention to me. something living and warm around me would be nice. also, someone stop me from bidding on ebay. i bid on a picture this local person painted cause i liked it and i thought it would be cool to have something of hers since i sorta know her. then i wanted to see the movie the matrix and decided to own it. looked at books i have on my wish list, found two for fairly cheap and couldn't pass up the deal. arg. oh well, buying things and recieving packages in the mail makes me feel better. so there. i really should stop though. sometimes i just stare at my wish list wondering what i should buy. luckily i can't decide and therefore buy nothing. ha. so yeah it's not a good day. and i need a hug. and why the fuck doesn't diarylang chat work huh?!?! i wanna chat damn it!
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.