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i can't find an appropriate quote, maybe, some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps I�m having a bit of trouble today hanging onto my sanity. More than usual that is. Everything looks a little odd as well. I think I woke up this way. So I�m listening to music really loud and that should help with the problem. Music can keep me sane. Usually. I have taken an ativan just to make sure I don't go off the deep end. Morrison has gone out for coffee, which is probably good considering how loud the music is. He�s seeing this girl he's friends with. I can't stop being insanely jealous of her, but I�m working on it. At least I don't freak out when he says he is going to see her, that's something right? Ever notice that the song closer is actually a terrible love song. Not terrible as in bad, but terrible as in, psychologically fucked up. It�s sweet and horrible all at the same time. Must be why I like it. I was thinking about feelings and my intense feelings that I have for Morrison. I can't decide if I just love him as a friend, or if this is more. I think it's just an intense feeling towards him, and it's not definable. Love is such a loaded word. People throw it around like nothing and at the same time it can mean everything. I�m slathering on a lot of lush lip balm to keep me on an even keel. At least I hope it helps keep me even. Thanks Gingerbug, this stuff is awesome. My parents are in B.C. again and I gave them a list of lush things I wanted. Ha, I�m addicted. The music isn't loud enough, I can still think. Though thinking is probably essential for the task of writing. I�m reading the shining and it's much more scary than the movie and I haven't even gotten to the scary parts. I think it's scarier mostly because they are a way more together family than in the movie. The woman isn't a wishy-washy flake that you want to slap in the first place. Jack isn't a scruffy nobody partially dried out drunk. I like the family and I wish them well except I�m reading a horror novel and so good things will not happen to them. I hope to do most of the reading of this book while I�m next to Morrison in bed. I might need some moral support or something. Someone to fish me out from under the covers, heh. It seems that 13 hours sleep two nights in a row is good for me. I felt very good yesterday for the most part, except for the creeping insanity. Today, even though I had a rotten sleep I feel all right. *turns up music* I hope most people in the neighborhood are at work or school today. Not that I�d hear if anyone rang the doorbell or knocked to ask me to turn it down. Ha! The police would have to break in man. The police live next door actually, well one of them does. He seems nice. I like his wife bonny a lot, she does my hair. My hair is way too long so I�m going to get it cut and put blue highlights in it next week I think. Dark dark blue. Like Steven Tyler in that video... falling in love is so hard on the knees. I think. I want to dye it black for sure. I haven't been keeping up with diaries lately and since I�m high on ativan it's hard to read them and concentrate at the same time. I may not be going back to see the ones I�ve missed. I keep having dreams with my ex-fianc� in them. Except I totally ignore him and we don't interact at all. He�s just there, not participating in the dream at all. I don't know why I�m having dreams like this. Also with Morrison basically living with me for 8 days I find myself comparing him to my ex almost constantly. I keep being pleasantly surprised that he doesn't act at all like him. I have no idea where that is coming from either. Maybe I should call my shrink? I�m glad the surprises are pleasant though; I couldn't stand to be around another person that was like my ex. Ick. Someone would have to be put out of my misery. i feel like buying a bunch of stuff to make me feel better. anyone want to give me some money so this is possible? haha. wish lists people. ok i'm rambling now. just clix me, ok? oh no! site meter is totally down today. how am i going to check my stats?! microsoft has also gone caput on me. damn them all to hell.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.