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1:48 pm | Wednesday, Jan. 08, 2003
damn the computer and everything else Ok so I just finished drooling over the local electronics store flyer. Oooo, 52 inch wide screen HDTV... only $3 000. Of course the plasma TV is only $10 000, I mean who can't afford that. The drool also landed on the nice digital cameras and other neato computer components that I�ll never be able to afford. Frankly I�m leaning towards throwing this computer out the window lately. It�s gotten all sorts of quirks that don�t seem so fun. Little things, like for example for some reason it won't load the date for my entries anymore, I have to put it in myself. About two weeks ago it started loading a weird set up thing for the video card at start up. Now I get quick time loading up an icon on my taskbar at startup. I can't find any way to get rid of these things. Also I can't see the email link on my entry page. Hotmail keeps telling me my browser doesn't have JavaScript so the only way I can get to my hotmail is through the messenger. It omits strange things from WebPages or won't load certain things. Every time I try to use windows media player the computer freezes. Ok that's a not true, window media player 7 just gives me an illegal operations error whenever I try to use it and the older version freezes whenever I click on something else. I have no idea why this is. It�s starting to all add up to a major annoyance. I also tried to install my sister's Norton works for windows or whatever it's called, boy was that a nightmare. I think I did manage to get it off the computer though finally. I was able to check for viruses with the thing you use to check out your computer before you install the thing. I appear to be ok on that front, but who knows. I�m now scared to buy plain old Norton anti-virus though for fear of my computer exploding. The week has been going really well so far. Morrison seems fairly content being here and I�m pretty content having him here. The only problems we have encountered are when we have to decide what to eat. I never know what I want and he wants me to pick something. It�s a wee bit frustrating. I think we may muddle through though. Last night I managed to have a nice little break down for no reason though. I guess I have to have those every once in a while. I started crying for no reason and right in front of Morrison too. He wanted to know what was wrong and I couldn't tell him anything. He was rather at a loss as to what to do then. Eventually I got a hold on the tear problem and we read for a while. In general he seems to be more affectionate and caring lately. I don't know if this means anything except that we feel closer to each other. I think I look for meaning in things too much. I can say here what I was thinking about while I had my little break down though. I was thinking about my life and I suppose the shortness of it. I mean, without the enzyme I give myself ten years on the very outside probably five. I think I just have the same problems as everyone else though just intensified because I have a better of idea of how long I have on this earth. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow but you wouldn't have been planning for that. I worry that I�ll never be in love or have someone in love with me again. I worry that I won't be able to finish school and do anything productive with my life. What about getting married one day, having a job, a place of my own, maybe even kids? I don't want to miss out on everything that life has to offer when I know I could do so much and appreciate it and the people in it. People worry about that sort of thing all the time I think, I have the same worries probably. It�s just that I feel I�ve been set way back from the start line having physical and mental problems. Hell I can't even SEE the fucking starting line. Being ambitious with no energy is no fun. Do I just have to put my hopes and dreams down inside me somewhere and never think about them?
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.