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10:08 p.m. | Monday, Mar. 10, 2003
it's been an emotionally draining day The headrest on this wheelchair is very nice. I can lean back and relax, it's very comfortable. I have been thinking about changing my layout lately. I want to reflect the turmoil going on in my life a bit more... with images and color. I have a couple images I have that I�ve emailed to a couple people to get their ideas. However, if anyone out there has any ideas for how I could do my layout or any pictures they think would be appropriate send them on my way. Today was a very emotionally draining day. First of all, mom has been talking with my caseworker about funding for us to go to New York. She said there have been changes in the policy for travel funding. That usually means less money, so we might not be going to New York at all now. That was a disappointment, but an almost expected one. Then right after she said that, she mentioned that my parents and I might be moving to Calgary. In Alberta they have different health care, and I might have a chance at living in my own place. Also, my former doctor is working in Calgary now and they have a "group" of some sort for advocacy and things like that. Living there might give me a better chance for treatment and some such. I don't want to move. I�m not ready to leave behind everything familiar and comfortable. I�m certainly not ready to put a 6-hour drive distance between my sister and her boyfriend and Morrison. These are the only friends I have. Morrison is the one person I talk to the most, can count on, and see the most. He�s a great friend and I know I feel more for him than just friendship (maybe even love, but i'm pretty fucking unsure about what love is even so...). I can't leave him; I really don't feel I could do it at this point. Not to mention the fact that we'd have to find new caregivers, I�d have to become familiar with new people in regards to transportation, if I want to take classes I have to figure out a whole new university. It�s such a huge decision and it seems to me I�m going to be left out of it for the most part. If things look really positive in Calgary for me, from the point of view of the doctor and my parents, I might just have to go no matter what my opinion is. Arg. My shrink was trying to get me to find options in Saskatoon that would help me to become more independent here so moving wouldn't be such an attractive idea. I don't even know what the options are yet, the pros and cons aren't found out yet. I hate it when you are making plans, going along, fairly slowly I can admit and then WOOOSH! It�s all different again, you have to change your entire perspective and figure out a new plan. I need a personal assistant like Weetabix has; it would make my life so much easier. Maybe even just a cheering section.... a secretary? Sometimes life just falls on your head and all you can do is pull yourself out from under the rubble.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.