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3:49 p.m. | Monday, Apr. 07, 2003
it's monday again, time has changed Good things and bad things happened today, this weekend, and so on. This morning when the home health aid was moving me from the tub to the wheelchair I saw the respirator (which was sitting on the toilet) move. I said, "Whoa, the respirator is sliding off, careful" or something like that. She snapped at me. She said, "It did not move I was watching it" and acted angry that I had even said anything. I was so shocked I didn't say anything but I should have. What the fuck was her problem, it moved, I saw it move and the fucker costs $20 000 plus it keeps me alive. I think she'd be a little more concerned or at least polite. I've talked about her before, she's a bit on the inept side and this new angry snappy side is not making me like her more. Let's all hope she retires soon. I got my period this weekend, I'm due for another shot on Wednesday and the doctor is heading over Friday to give it to me. For almost 3 days I will be fertile, in theory anyway. Nobody touch me! (Not really, I think I might need a hug.) In any case I have cramps and I'm leaking blood, both of which I'm not happy about at all. I stopped taking the estrogen on Sunday and I'll start it again on Thursday. I figure that should be long enough to "clean out my uterus" like that one doctor suggested. It gets four days and that's it, if that's not long enough too damn bad. There is no way I'm having this bleeding thing go on longer than it has to. I feel like ass the whole time it's happening. Today while I was in the shower I looked down at one of my breasts and thought, you know a nice cut line right across there would look really good. Pretty scar later. Then I caught myself and realized I was pondering cutting again. Luckily my sister has my biology dissecting kit so I don't have my scalpel (though I really want it back) but I do have some very sharp knives in my closet. I always have to remind myself though that if I used them on myself they would be taken away, so I don't. If I really think about it I know I don't really want another scar. Today I got a package in the mail and it was 2 books that Trinity had bought me from my wish list. Yay! Thank you, thank you to Trinity!! One of them is The Lovely Bones and the other is Alexander's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. The second book I just love, it's a children's book but it totally expresses how it is to have a completely crap day. I know I sometimes want to move to Australia to get away from everything too. I love getting stuff in the mail like that. I read the second book right away and I think everyone needs that book. It makes you feel a bit better about your bad days. I have to say I feel much happier now that I have told Morrison how I feel about him. I'm not exactly sure why that is, maybe because I don't like having secrets from him. Maybe because I know he's not and won't be upset about how I feel even if he doesn't feel the same way. I can look at him and not have to hide how I feel in my eyes anymore. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to be able to do that. My cats are very twitchy today. Salinger looks like a bird or something the way he's moving around. Darwin doesn't seem agile until someone scares the crap out of him. Salinger jumped down off the table beside him and Darwin flipped out, leaping backwards and upwards in a very interesting maneuver. I tried not to laugh too hard. Mom is painting the windowsills in the house so they are being a pain in the butt putting their paws up on all of them. To Gabriel (you know who you are) the "next button" is fixed. Thanks for pointing out that it was broken.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.