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2:58 p.m. | Sunday, Jun. 01, 2003
it's june already, where the hell is summer So last night the Egyptian messaged me again and I just stopped talking to him because it was pointless and too much work. I was afraid he was going to tell me how good girls got guys again. The disabled man also messaged me and I spent most of my evening on defense. He said he is very attracted to me and would like me to share "intimate" things over the Internet with him. I finally had to say that in no way was going to do this, that we could be friends and discuss issues surrounding sex and the disabled but as for personal things (related to sex), butt out. I hope he got the message. My mom left my window open last night because the cats are crazy for outside air. They are crazy anyway, but well on with the story. So it was fairly cool in my room because apparently spring is making a slide back towards freezing weather (it's supposed to be 13 C on Tuesday). I woke up with cats piled on top of me like fur rugs. I was very warm, I hope they were too considering how burrowed into the blankets and my body they were. Cats are small furnaces. I slept in today which was good because I woke up pretty tired. I haven't slept in all week, I'm so proud. I swear it's summer that does this to me. Not that the weather is actually summery anymore. Last night I was pondering all these conversations I've been having with strangers, mostly strange men and I was thinking how they make me feel like I'm not there. I feel like I'm a mirror reflecting back what they want to hear. I used to be like that all the time on the Internet and actually took pride in being able to be whatever someone else wanted me to be. Now I don't think I like it so much. I have to make an effort to be myself and sometimes even be aggressive in telling people, no this is not what I want. It is so easy just to slip into the pattern of being what they want me to be because for me that�s a lot easier than disappointing them and being myself. Speaking of which, the other day this guy was trying to get me to come over to his hotel to hang out with him. For some reason the concept that it might not be advisable for a girl to go to a strange man's hotel room seemed quite beyond him. In the end I told him I was in a wheelchair and I couldn't meet him anyway because transportation was a problem. He seemed ok after that and we had a friendly chat. Guess who I haven't heard from at all since then. As much as it's a good tool to scare off creeps, as much as it's the truth and part of who I am, it still hurts when someone blows me off when they find out I'm in a chair.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.