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9:02 p.m. | April 26, 2002
a dream and a bizarre story I haven't updated for two days and I doubt I will have time on the weekend so I figured I should while I�m still thinking about what I want to write. I may, however, be distracted at points by the Simpsons. I had this dream a couple nights ago that has left me feeling confused and sad. It�s wearing off now, but I couldn't even talk about it at first. It was weird as usual, but also very vivid and emotional. It was set in sort of a mixture of houses, people that my parents socialized with when I was younger. Both families had a girl about my age in them and a boy older than us. In any case, in the dream my parents and I were visiting this family. I was apparently very attracted to the older brother person and we ended up having sex. That part wasn't actually in the dream, it was memory I had in the dream. My mother was incredibly angry with me and for some reason she wouldn't let me eat with the rest of them and I had to wash the dishes and water the plants. (Weird, it wasn't our house.) As I was watering the plants, some weird goo came out of one of the pitchers or something. It started melting the plant, so I threw it in the sink. After awhile the sink melted and so did the counter under it. It finally started burning through the floor. The girl and I (who I was friends with) watched this amazed and then the floor gave way. I grabbed her father's arm, who was sitting at the table. I had the impression that he would have let me go if he his daughter hadn't been hanging on to me. I believe the reason that everyone was so mad at me was because they all assumed I would be pregnant. They were all discussing what would happen if I had a baby. The dream sort of skipped at this point and I ended up in the living room with my friend. We were sitting on the floor and hanging out, talking and laughing. The boy came in at that point, looked at me and said, "We have to talk". I smiled up at him and he held out his hands to me to help me up. We went to his room to talk. He started going on about what would happen if I had a baby, that he would have to get a better job, we might want to get married... etc. I grinned at him and said there was no possible way I was pregnant. He sort of stared and I said I was on birth control and I had no idea why our parents thought that I was. I started kissing him, and we lay next to each other on his bed. The kissing was intensely passionate; full of lust and emotion... it was almost frantic. I can hardly describe the emotions that were involved, they were wonderful and intense and something else I can't think of a word for. I think one of our parent's knocked on the door and asked how things were going and we said we were still talking. We made love I�m sure, but those moments were blurry and almost completely skipped in the dream. After when we had gotten dressed and were sitting there, I knew I probably wouldn't see him again for a long time. We lived in different cities is the impression I got from the dream. I knew our parents would not want us to see each other again because of the pregnancy scare. So sitting there, I was intensely happy because of what I felt for him and he felt for me, but it was very sad because after I left I didn't know what would happen. I offered to give him my phone number, and wrote it on his wall in large letters under one of his posters in blue marker. He couldn't lose it that way; I�d know he had it. Also, it wouldn't be anywhere he parents would look for it. His parents must have been stricter than mine or the pregnancy scare caused them to be against us being a couple I don't know. The feelings I had where that he did love me but that once I was gone he would fall back into the routine of life, and not think about me or try to be with me. That is what made me the saddest. He lived near me, but not near enough. That was the end of the dream. It is still this vivid to me after two days; I can still feel the emotions from it. I still long for this man that took my heart, but doesn't exist. I�ve had dreams like this before, where I end up even looking for the person in real life. Unconsciously looking into people's faces to see if they are the one. My sister has had dreams like this too... we discussed what we'd do if we actually found a person who looked like the man we sought. We both agreed we'd have to go up to him and say something, though we weren't sure what. You know it might sound crazy to say, "Hi, you are the man of my dreams, literally." Plus what if he didn't measure up at all to the dream person or was married or some other tragedy. Even with all those undesirable possibilities we thought we'd have to at least approach the guy and find something out about them. In a week or so this longing will fade, I won't remember him anymore. That�s usually about how long it takes. Until then I�ll feel like I�ve lost something very important to me and be sad about it. How can dreams affect a person like this? It�s not fair, I haven't actually lost anyone and yet I feel like I have. It�s frustrating to feel this way for no reason. In other news, I�m going home tomorrow. Woohoohoo! Of course, something bizarre and upsetting had to happen before I left. Some of you heard this story in chat. A friend of mine said if it hadn't been me telling the story he would have assumed the person was joking. This is what happened. Someone was knocking at my door and I yelled come in. They didn't come in so I yelled louder, thinking it might be my sister or someone being silly. Then I went towards the door, thinking it might be roger coming to say goodbye, which seemed unlikely though because he couldn't knock like that. I had seen from under the door that the person was in a wheelchair. Then the door opened and it an old man (I�d say in his 70s or so). He sort of came in the room a little bit... THEN he patted his crotch and said, "I need some servicing, and I can't go forever you know." After saying that he proceeded to come further into my room and undo his pants. At some point here I had pushed the call bell, desperately hoping for someone to come. As I was looking for the desk number so I could phone them one of the people that works here came in. He started to ask what I wanted, but then said, "Ah, I see your problem." and took out the man. I totally freaked out, I couldn't breath properly and my body didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. There was sweat running down my body. I knew what had happened hadn't been life threatening or even dangerous really, but my body totally over-reacted. I took an ativan right away to calm me down. Also a friend of mine that I was chatting with helped keep things in perspective. Which was good, because I needed perspective at that point. I found out later that the man was probably just asking to go to the bathroom, which I figured as a possibility. He was wearing a diaper under his pants. I have no idea why he came to me! to tell me that though. So that was my incredibly interesting evening. I swear, these things can only happen to me.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.