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3:25 p.m. | Friday, Feb. 21, 2003
trouble in sleepy land It is so fucking cold out. Thankfully there is no wind but -26 C is too damn cold, especially for the end of February. It�s supposed to go down to -35 C overnight. The house is freezing, to keep warm in this weather you have to walk around in layers and a blanket. To go outside you need a down filled jacket, scarf, hat, mitts, and insulated boots. You can let your eyeballs out if you like but careful because they may freeze on you. The doctor was just here and she checked my eyes, ears and blood pressure. Apparently everything looked fine so she believes I have a virus in my inner ear. You can't do anything about viruses of course except wait them out. She said because the inner ear is part of the nervous system it will probably take six weeks to heal. She did prescribe me some sort of vitamin thing with anti-histamine in it that should help with the dizziness. I hope it does because sometimes it makes me feel so ill I can't even eat. I�ve had dreams of being raped two nights in a row now. I think last night was the worst because afterwards the guy kept stalking me. I�m glad today was shower day so I could get all the dream goo off of me. I felt so violated this morning and I was hoping that a shower would make me feel better because if anyone had me touched at all (especially in any sort of sexual way) I may have screamed at them. (PS touching by home health aids doesn't count because I�ve gotten so good at blocking it out.) Speaking of last night, I was so exhausted when I went to bed I thought I would fall right asleep. No dice there, I even took 2 sleeping pills to make sure I would drop off. I went to bed at ten and I was awake until 1am. I have been so tired for the last couple of days I really wanted to have a good sleep, but my brain just wouldn't turn off. At about 20 after 12am I called Morrison. I figured he'd be awake and he could calm down my mind. He thought it was funny I called him to put me to sleep. I asked him to tell me a story but he didn't know one, so he read me the news. Then I asked about his music in the background, it turned out that I had never heard the band before (which was in fact, called The Band) so he put the phone by the speakers so I could listen. He did that for a few songs, playing soothing ones so I would sleep. It totally worked. I felt so warm and safe with him on the phone and the music in the background. It was much better than a sleeping pill.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.