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4:00 p.m. | Friday, Apr. 18, 2003
faith I've just finished the book Sanctuary by Faye Kellerman. I love her books because not only are they the sort of cop mystery type books that I like but also because she has a unique twist to her writing. One of her main characters is a devote Orthodox Jew and the other main character is learning to be. It's a very interesting way to learn about the Jewish religion. Her books are about these characters in a series, not the to be continued type, but the same characters in new situations. It's interesting to watch them grow and evolve, learning from the experiences they have and how they reconcile secular life with their religion. Those books having a slight focus on religion made me think about the role of religion in my own life. Basically it has no role in my life right now. I was raised Catholic and at one time was fairly into the religion. I went to church once a week (this was mostly because my mother required it), I read the bible, and even tried to find some sort of way that the Catholic religion could be my religion as well. This didn't last past elementary school. I think it was around the point that I was diagnosed with my illness that I decided that I didn't believe in the Catholic religion. I decided I wasn't going to church anymore and had a huge fight about it with my mom (it wasn't pretty at all). It seems to be this would be a time a person would turn to god, when faced with a terminal illness. I did the opposite, I completely lost my faith. I didn�t just renounce the Church but I lost faith in Christianity, basically everything I was raised to believe. I still wonder why I lost my faith so completely. I know that a lot of other people have, in favor of reason and logic... and I will admit I�m a logical scientific type of person. That could be the entire reason right there. I don't remember ever blaming god for putting me in the situation I�m in. I do remember trying to get back the faith that I had lost more than once. I never felt belief in the Christian god anymore though. I sometimes envy people who have that faith, the unquestioned belief in something larger than humanity. Sometimes when there is no one left it would be nice to "know" there is someone out there who cares about me and might even be looking out for me. I don't think there is a being out there orchestrating things down here or looking down on us with sentience. I do think there might be something bigger than us, a life force that is part of everything living. I have had an experience or two that makes me think there might be something beyond death for the living. A lot of the time I just really hope that there might be.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.