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2:05 p.m. | Saturday, Jun. 14, 2003
five questions Five Questions from Trinity. 1. What makes you really angry? Things that make me really angry are fairly few and far between I think. If there is one thing that people know me hardly ever see is me get emotional. I'm not talking about people that know me really well because I'll fall apart on them faster than a wet Kleenex sometimes, but in real life people usually say that they never seen me lose it. What they especially don't see is anger. I'm normally a very calm person. However, if I do get mad, all hell tends to break loose. I've heard that my eyes turn black (how cool is that). In any case things that tend to make me really mad are stupid people. I can't stand a willfully stupid or ignorant person; they drive me crazy, especially if they keep arguing their point in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I can't stand people who lie. That also drives me nuts. I never really saw the point in lying to the point where you are inventing everything including yourself. I hardly ever lie because usually I just don't see any reason for doing so. Racism, bigotry and the like piss me off to no end. I don't understand it and there is no point to it. It's a blame everyone but yourself sort of attitude and for fuck's sake people, take some goddamn responsibility. Ah ha! There is a huge thing that makes me angry, people who blame everyone and their dog but themselves for their life. Everyone does it to some extend, but at some point you have to face up the fact that the person that has the most influence over your life is you. Boy do I sound horribly moralizing. Though those are the things that piss me off. Also, if you hurt me I'll try to hurt you back. If you hurt someone I care about I'll come after you with a weapon. 2. Do you think people are really good at heart, or evil at heart? I honestly think it's neither. People are apathetic at heart. They just don't care so much anymore. I think part of it is that there is so much to care about that you have to really pick your battles and decide what you do really care about. I think a lot of people though just don't know how to choose so they don't care about anything. They don't want to get involved for fear of having to take responsibility for something that will take up their time or even for fear of safety. Nobody stands up for anyone or stops to help. I'm not saying everyone is like this, but I think it's a pervasive attitude in society. Don't get involved because you might have to give up some time, get hurt, or end up giving a crap. 3. Describe your ideal partner. Well, that's a strange question for me mostly because I never really wrote out a list of things that a person had to be in order to be with me. Also, the fact that I'm disabled limits the choices quite a bit. However, I will give it a go. The person has to be intelligent, with a good sense of humor; they can't be too religious (because even though I'm not against religion, I don't have a preference myself or strong beliefs so I think if they were religious it would make things difficult) or incredibly judgmental. A good sense of fun and lots of tolerance are also a prerequisite. I wouldn't be able to be with anyone who had some sort of strong prejudice hanging about. The usual things that people always say apply I'm sure, like I have to be able to talk with them (good communication is very important) but I have to be able to be quiet around them too. I like someone who is fairly independent and emotionally stable (or at least rational, haha). As for appearance I like tall guys (re: 6 feet and up), who are fairly thin, but a bit buff. Dark hair good, pale skin is good. Long thin fingers are always attractive. They have to smell good. These are not required, basically I have to be attracted to the person. I'm not incredibly picky on what someone has to look like. Right now in my situation a love relationship isn't in the cards as far as I can tell. With my disability there are a lot of costs and care issues. The guy would almost have to be independently wealthy or work at home or something for me to be able to move in with anyone (much less marry them). I think it would be hard to be with someone and know that we could never progress in the relationship to the point of something more permanent than me living with my parents. 4. Do you think things happen for a reason, or randomly? Sometimes I just don't know. To be honest though, I'm pretty much sure everything is chaos and there is nothing like fate or karma directing traffic. I do wish there was. I'd like to believe that the bad guys get theirs in the next life and the good people are rewarded. I'd like to believe that things happen in life to make you stronger, that you meet people to help you along your way. I just don't know that it does. Science makes me the most sense to me; transfers of energy, chemicals, biology and our environment rule our world. Of course, you never know. I might die and end up looking around and seeing something that makes me say "Hey cool, I was wrong." Either that or it all goes away. I do have an idea that the spark that makes life might be something, maybe all life goes back into a pool of those sparks ready to make something else live again. Energy can’t be destroyed... As a side note I have to say that Anne Rice's notion of hell in her book Memnoch The Devil is one of the best I've seen so far. 5. If you could change one thing about you, what would it be? Well right now if the change was instant I would of course cure myself and I would be able to walk and do all the things that "normal" people do. I don't think I'd take all the experiences out of my life that being ill has given me. However, I would have to make a few visits to politicians and health care managers to give them the finger if I were "cured". Other than that, I don't know. I know that I'm depressive, obsessive and emotionally needy. I know that I have a habit of saying things out loud that I should have kept to myself, I have a streak of insecurity about 3000 miles wide and sometimes the attention span of a gnat. I don't know that I would change any of that though. Working on being a better person is part of life isn't it? Plus all those things make me who I am. Deep down I really do like me, I just don't think anyone else will. A lot of my insecurity comes from the physical weaknesses I have (though surely not all of them) so I work on that as well. I don't know, that's all I would change. I'd like to say I'd change nothing, but if I had the opportunity to walk around, head to the bathroom on my own and stand in the shower again, ride a bike, get a job and have my own place I'd leap at it like a drowning person for the life line. Now i'm supposed to offer to ask you, the reader, five questions. I really rather suck at asking questions so if your questions are bad, that's why.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.