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3:08 p.m. | Friday, May. 14, 2004
blarg So I was noticing I was being really irritable the last few days and I mentioned it to Morrison who said yeah he had noticed it. I asked since when and he said since January. After blinking repeatedly to get the shock out of my eyes I thought about it. Seeing as we stopped sleeping together just after Christmas my bitchiness towards him after the month of January makes sense to me, though I did/do try to do it as little as possible. Plus, I will admit I was hoping against hope that the relationship would either continue the way it was forever or evolve into something more. I didn't get what I wanted and I was/am ticked, sad and pathetic. Leaving aside that whole deal though, I have noticed that I am much less tolerant lately. I tend to snap at people right away. My mom is really annoying me lately by trying to get me to eat a lower in fat diet. This time she hasn't come right out and said, you are fat, but she's doing it more roundabout. Too bad I'm smart enough to catch on. Also, the quality of men that seem to hang out online and live in my city is in the negatives according to my recent survey. If you read this entry my frustration is apparent. The enzyme thing has me all stressed out too I think. I want it to have started yesterday. Maybe last week already, the day i found out I was picked? I want to know that at the very least I'm not getting worse anymore. A second result of being picked for this is that I feel guilty. Yes, I do. I was thinking about it last night and it dawned on me. I belong to an email group with people who have this same condition and I've seen the people talking who know that they haven't been chosen. I can totally understand what they are going through, how heartbroken they must be and how terrible it is to know that the treatment is out there but you just can't get to it. Maybe it's like when people survive a plane crash and think "Why me?" and feel terrible about being the one that lived... I think I may feel the same way about being the one that got picked. Maybe I don't know how to feel about it. Two more stressors. School has not let me out of it's clutches. For one, I was sick and missed my philosophy final, which I have to write in June. I am not looking forward to this. Also, I wrote the essay but got sick before I was able to write the conclusion. I have to finish that yet. I am unable to face it. If anyone would like to volunteer to write the conclusion for me I'd kiss your feet. Man, all I want to is relax and have some fun. I am not relaxed that is for sure. Fun seems like something I used to have one day, way back... when?
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.