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1:03 p.m. | Wednesday, Aug. 11, 2004
Anger I'm angry because: I didn't do the couple of things I had planned to do this summer. One of them being go to a bookstore and read a book in the coffee shop. I didn't get to go the Fringe. My sister said she call when they were going, I could have called to find out when they were going. Neither happened. It is starting to smell like fall outside already and we barely had any summer. I wonder if there will be any summer where I get to wear all my summer clothes just once. The enzyme therapy is postponded yet again. I hardly believe it was going to happen when I heard about it and the continual delays depress my belief further and heighten my anxiety. I'm not going back to school this fall. The smell of fall air makes me think of university. If it wasn't for the enzyme therapy causing me to think it was a good idea to hold back on school for awhile I still don't know if I would have been able to go back. It was so hard last year; I don't know if I could do it again. That scares the hell out of me. That the weather has so much to do with whether or not I go out and do things. I love reading outside or heading to the mall in my wheelchair. If it's at all chilly or windy then I can't really go because it would end up being more of an ordeal than anything. Calling the bus on the spur of the moment to go somewhere is just not an option. I don't make plans to go places and I should because it isn't like I have a ton of things on my schedule. I don't want to do anything unless it is spur of the moment. I suppose it is partially due to the fact that I don't know how I am going to feel from one day to the next, but i can push myself a bit without terrible consequences. I feel like I don't know how to plan something or that I don't have anyone to plan it with. If I'm not going with someone else, what's the point? I'm having dreams again where I have lots of friends around and we are doing fun things together. I hate waking up from these dreams knowing I'm really alone.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.