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12:25 p.m. | 2001-07-30
things i do some really stupid things sometimes, but i suppose this time was a trade off. i got the better end of the deal i think. i let someone read my diary in exchange for reading theirs. i was having a heart attack the whole time. and then i felt like mine was stupid after reading his. blah. i have such contempt for myself alot of the time. i think that my ideas and my intelligence and just me is inferior to other people alot of the time. well the people that i want to have respect for me or like me i guess. most people are stupid and boring. i was listening to this song, #1 crush by garbage. it's about a girl is who obssessed with someone if you haven't heard it. in any case there is one line, that if anyone ever says it to you, i think you should run. i mean if they dedicate the song to you maybe you want to run. it's surely not about healthy obssession. in any case the line is "you will believe in me and i will never be ignored". sounds like a command to me. flee, i say, flee. it seems to me that a theme has been developing in books and movies that i have been reading/watching lately. that theme is, humans are very very cruel. that they are the only animals that do the most horrible things they can think of to each other. war, torture, rape, steal, kill... pretty much anything. other animals don't do that. and in some of the more science fiction orientated it was said that no other (or hardly any) sentient beings do this sort of thing. they found it very strange in the humans they observed. in fact i read this book (eric by terry pratchett), that the demons in hell were supposed to watch the humans to find out how to torture them, because humans could think up the worst of the worst to do to each other. the book is actually humorous but that was a rather profound thing to say in my opinion. and what does that even say about the human race. because it is true, we do some really horrible nasty things to each other. why? what in us drives us to do the worst to those who are like us the most? i don't know if i'll ever understand it. opinions are welcome. i just finished a book by kurt vongegut, who is, i must say really one of the best writers around. his books are amazing. the one i just read was hocus pocus. nothing to do with magic. it is about the past and present of this college which has a prison built across the lake from it. the main character is a man who works at the college and later the prison as a teacher. the college is for the learning disabled. the teacher's past and present is also part of the book. it was written so that it jumps around from the past to the present. it starts somewhere in the middle and the beginning is scattered about. usually this would irritate me to no end but it works in this book. i would love to quote from the book here, but i'd end up putting half of the book in and really, you should just read it instead.
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This is my blogchalk:
Canada, Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, , English, , Female, 26-30, Reading.